ALWAYS a 'songer'

Ralph: whats the opposite of blue?

Fran: blue….meaning…feeling blue or color blue?

 

what a stupid question I had back then. Is there an opposite for color blue?? At the back of my head my answer was..green. and I found myself laughing. (silly me..)

 

Right now, I just feel happy. Im happy that I don’t get to spend much of my time at home where nothing is there to do except to read harry potter (it isn’t that bad), ym, (it isn’t that bad either) but listening to my mom’s never ending sermons about everything else is the one I want to get away from. I just hate staying at home knowing that anytime i’ll hear my moms voice echoing all over the place either getting mad at me or manang. Its sad when all my efforts are not being recognized by her. She sees my mistakes and my lowest grades but never the ones I have achieved. Its just so sad thats why I try as much as possible to go out and have fun with my friends as often as possible to try to forget these things that I shouldn’t be worrying about. Im used to it. I already became immune to it. Even if I look happy, my life isn’t perfect. I have my own problems too. So I have to put on this mask once again to show people that I am alright. As the quote says, “Hindi lahat ng nakatawa , masaya.”

 

 

 

term break na namin.. funny how even if its been only how many days...im getting pretty bored. ive been going out everyday...i havent stayed at home actually. my mom's losing her temper with my never ending "paalams"...and still..i feel that im getting bored.

i was in annes debut the other day. it was fun talking to old friends from ac...but i feel that it was just different. its true that we already have our own separate lives.

i was in y2k's debut also. i didnt stand being th 3rd wheel of 2 of my kabarkadas in annes debut . i guess people were surprised that i was a "girl" that night. im sory i wasnt able to change. i was still wearing my black tube dress from anne's debut. naax! haha!

nakakakilig with how people just look so good together...hehe...ive been thinking lately...i dont think ill push through with him. its not that he's not worth it...but its just different and i dont think ill end up anywhere. i dont want ending up with losing one of my good friends. im better off this way...haha! and once ive made my decision, there's no turning back and i think im moving on. before anyone else finds out...

"how many times did i pray you'd find me...how many wishes on a star.."

we just finished our finals. i've done my part and now i just leave it all up to God. i thank Him for whatever the results will be. i feel so distracted instead of being inspired. right now, i just feel plainly confused. i dont know if i should still entertain these mixed emotions i've been having. well i have the whole 2 weeks to think about it. i was talking to my blockmate awhile ago and surprisingly, i was able to somehow open up to him. funny how i was able to put into words what i have been contemplating about lately.

its hard not knowing where to place yourself. its hard to keep your feelings to yourself when you just want to release all your raging "kiligness" inside. its hard when all that he does could mean a thousand interpretations to you but its nothing really special to him. yep...its hard...

hmmm...funny how i cant imagine myself writing this and being in this same situation again after a long time. maybe im just the one whos making things look more complicated than it really is. actually, nothing is complicated. im just the one being complicated and i think its because i dont want anything to change. i dont want to risk the friendship  we've built even in a short span of time. actually, i find myself really happy right now. i find myself smiling and laughing even in the silliest things. thanks to my dearest blockmates and my santugon family. kaya nga naman mahal na mahal ko yang mga yan e! its because of them that i forget these things that i contemplate about even for just awhile. masarap maging masaya at tumawa. dahil jan, nakakalimot ng problema. kung problema nga ba ito talaga. pero wag ng gawing problema ang hindi naman talaga problema. kaya maging masaya nalang at tumawa ng tumawa hanggang makalimutan na ang "problema"...ang labo..pero un na un! haha!

am i making up for all those times that i wasnt able to write? haha! hmm....my friend just asked me if i had a love life...and it made me stop and think. just a few minutes ago, i was contemplating whether to make a new blog in friendster or keep the one i have in my tabulas. well...a major factor was that he might read my entries in friendster. syempre it will be easier for him to read them if ever cos people still dnt know about my tabulas....yet. so i decided to keep my tabulas. well..im not quite sure if i like him. he was my first crush in school but i never really entertained that feeling. feel ko kasi out f my league. haha! but then now, we're starting to become close...and as i expected, i think im starting to like him again. shems....this was what i was afraid of. one of the saddest things is that...to him, im just one of the boys. im just a kid...i need an outlet for these kinds of feelings. hirap when i dont get to release my emotions! i might just explode one day!

im really happy with my block...i dont know why...im sure im not the only one who feels this. i feel BLESSED to be in my block. i feel like we all belong. i feel that each one is being appreciated. i really hope that everyone will pass so that we'll still be together next term.

its funny that i feel na nagiging lalaki na talaga ako. way back in high school, "men" nga kami...but i thought that when i get to college, it will be different that somehow, magiging babae na ako. but then i was wrong...parang mas nagiging lalaki pa nga talaga ako! is this the effect of being with the boys that i also become one of them? haha! its funny to think that some things just dont change. i wonder how the other "men" are doing?

ang saya when they treat you like how they treat the others, when they dont feel uncomfortable when you're around since you're a girl...sabi nga nila...bagay daw ako sa lasalle dahil green ako...and like all the other "men". haha! oo nga pala! kahit na "men" tayo, dominating pa rin ang pagiging diyosa natin! i miss 4-2!

its been so long since i last made an entry in my tabulas. a lot of things have happened within a short period of time but i can say i am happy. i'm happy that i got the chance to run for student council and meet a lot of wonderful people (my family) and get to know my batchmates. a lot of friendships have been tested and im happy that i found my true friends. although i lost, its been a wonderful learning experience. i still want to serve my batch but i guess the right time will come. thats about it...my first term in lasalle. new friends in a new environment and im happy.

i miss my ac friends. it seems like everyone has been busy with their own lives. i miss my friends in the village. i feel bad that i dont get to hangout with them anymore. i miss my jollibee friends. everyone has already gone his or her own separate ways. im happy that i get to hangout with my csa friends that somehow, despite our very busy schedule, we get to dance for junica's cotillion. 

right now, i feel scared cos i havent studied for my finals. i risked my grades during the campaign but i can say it was all worth it. i just hope i can still be able to catch up.Lord help me...

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
'I love her for her smile—her look—her way
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'—
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,—and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,—
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

its been so long since i last made an entry. i was busy. yes ive been busy. in fact, very busy. this day is officially the start of our grad practices. we just have to be patient in our never ending singing, standing, walking and the most fun part, talking. kulitan lang talaga the whole time. i cant imagine that we're already graduating next next friday. 2 weeks. shems. its so near.

i took the apex exams. wala akong masabi. those people are so smart. funny how i just turned over my paper without even bothering to read the other questions. that's how clueless i was. ang hirap talaga! tapos nung apex sa math, funny how 2 hours is still not enough to solve a couple of equations and problems. hindi ko natapos yung test. kulang sa time and hindi ko talaga alam kung pano i-solve. after missing a lot of numbers, i heard the guy beside me say "shit pare. i missed 3 numbers!" wow...that made me feel better.

i can say that at one point or another i can be proud of myself. i signed up in GK thinking that it will just end there. i didnt think i'll be allowed anyways. 5 days of immersion. its something ive always wanted to join and experience but just never given the chance to. to my surprise, i was allowed! i cant wait to build houses and gain new friends! another thing is that i have a summer job. this is what i've always dreamt of when i was a kid. to experience to be in the counter and actually do the cashier thing. well...dream come true. hehe...i might start this april. i cant wait. my schedule is so full. ang saya kasi for once, may natutuloy na sa mga plans ko. i never thought id get accepted or actually be doing these things. i cant believe that i'll actually be working. i feel so old. ang hirap ng mga requirements. those were just the things i only hear from adults that i have no slightest idea what they were at all. oh well...

grad ball na namin this saturday. funny pero wala pa rin akong date until now. i'll find out later pa. i just want this to be over with. 

alin ba ang mas importante? ang mag-enjoy sa college life or ang life after college? pls share your opinions with me...